What is it about public restrooms? Dane cook nailed it back in the day when he was funny. You walk in and it’s like a water park.. Everything is wet! Why is everything always wet?
Is it because people don’t care about turning the water off when it’s not their house? Is it because they’re so drunk, they simply forget? Whatever the case is, the bathrooms are always atrocious.. Now, I’m a girl, so I’m gonna speak for my gender alone, and I have to say – I’m fucking embarrassed for my kind. Girls are so messy! I’ve been to guys’ bathrooms and they’re never as bad as the girls’ bathrooms.. Before you get ahead of yourself and start coming up with reasons as to why I’m in the guys’ restrooms in the first place, I assure you, it’s only because bitches be taking way too long and when I gotta pee I gotta pee.. They’re in there in couples and groups, wiping each other’s vaginas and snorting coke off each other’s navels.. Ain’t nobody got time for that! God forbid you go alone… You always need someone by your side. It becomes a whole production, which if you ask me is completely unnecessary.. But does have its perks…
For example, if you’re in a big place with a group of friends, and you go to the bathroom by yourself, when you come back to the same place you were at, they may not be there anymore.. People relocate. They may be hard to find in a big crowd, depending on where you’re at.. But if you snagged one of them with you, then at least now it’s the two of you looking for the rest of them.. It’s not just you stumbling around like a loser, darting from one corner to another looking for everyone else.
Even so, girls’ restrooms are incredibly misused. Get in, get out – that’s what it was intended for.. It wasn’t intended for a million duck selfies.. It wasn’t intended for endless conversations in the stalls as you pretend to do your business. And yet.. It seems to be its major focus nowadays.. Restrooms are filled with drunk bitches.
Granted, the phrase “once you pop you can’t stop” is usually associated with sex and losing one’s virginity and not being able to get enough, therefore constantly wanting more.. But I’d like to point out that over the years, if not immediately, the saying was heavily applied to alcohol usage as well.. Once you pop your seal, after having consumed lots of beer, and pee, you feel like you can’t stop going to the bathroom. It’s a thing, I swear.
Having said that, girls be drinking left and right and they constantly have to go to the bathroom, If not for selfies then at least to pop a squat over the toilet. That’s fine. Understandable. Girl or guy, a bladder’s capacity is no joking matter. Girls can hold their pee for much longer than guys can.. That information has yet to be proven by scientific evidence. At this point it us a mere speculation.. But still!.. Girls be going to the bathroom much more frequently than guys do.. Why?? I’m afraid the world will never know.
More important question is why are girls’ bathrooms so much messier than guys’?
For the sake of comparison, let’s examine the following. I saw this picture on iFunny once.. And it’s a split photo with a caption underneath each one.. Car vs Room – Girl vs Guy. It basically portrayed that which is most common.. And taking myself out of the equation, it was pretty accurate.
Girl’s room is pristine, neat and organized: Paintings on the wall, clean desk, pillows neatly placed on the bed, maybe even some stuffed animals depending on the “girl’s” age.. Guy’s room on the other hand is a mess. Boxers and socks on the floor. Bed is unmade.. Desk has all kinds of random shit on there.. Waste basket is surrounded by garbage that he failed to make in as he was trying to pretend he was a basketball star…
And then on the side of all that is a split picture of the interior of a car.. A guy’s car is always clean.. It’s his “baby”. You can’t eat in the car. You can’t brush your hair in the car. You’re lucky if you can breathe in the car.. Guys are super careful about their “baby”.. It’s almost like they apply all the energy towards the car that they neglected to incorporate into their room….
And then there’s a girl’s car….. Lip glosses in the center console, receipts in the side of the door. McDonalds bags in the foot space of the passenger seat.. Anything that doesn’t fit is carelessly thrown in the back seat.. And can’t forget about the trunk! It’s full of backup clothes and bathroom supplies and other shit that no one would ever think of needing.. And it’s never a “mess”, no no, it’s always “organized chaos”. Ha!
Based on the room vs car comparison, I thought I’d be able to figure out the bathroom debacle.. I thought it was about the domain.. You keep neat that which you care about most and that where you spend the most amount time. Turns out it’s irrelevant. No matter what gender you are, you spend an equal amount of time in both your car and your room whether you’re entertaining people or traveling to other people’s houses to be entertained. Wink wink. In attempts of trying to connect the “domain” concept of car vs room and the whole BATHROOM concept, I failed miserably. Here’s why it can’t really be compared. Bathrooms are a neutral standpoint. There’s no domain. Technically, no one should give a Fuck because it’s not theirs.. And yet why are guys able to treat it with respect and girls borderline wipe their own shit on the wall? Not literally but close enough.
I can’t tell you how many times I walked into the bathroom of one of my local bars and saw the following.. Toilet paper all over the floor.. Cause God forbid you actually throw it in the toilet… Somehow, there’s always Puke in the SINK.. I’ve seen an apple core inside the toilet! I mean, why? How?? Not to mention Blood on the WALLS! it’s always something… I’m not kidding even a little bit.
I think what it comes down to is that guys are known to take their shit “outside” and handle their messy situations out in the open.. Whereas girls, whether it’s personal business or personal hygiene, would rather handle that shit in the bathroom.. Hyped up on redbull & Violent or stumbling & incoherent, drunk hoes have always fucked up the public restrooms and will continue to do so just because they don’t know any other way. In this case, forget their bedroom or their car as their domain, the public restrooms are their comfort zone and they behave in them just as they would at their most vulnerable. That’s when they care the least. That’s when shit guess down..
And as a final note, I’ll say one thing.. No matter how organized a girl is, I assure you, when she stumbles home drunk, her pants come flying off into one corner, her shirt gets thrown in the opposite direction, and her underwear gets stuck on the a curtain rod somewhere before she passes out blissfully with one of her socks still on just to wake up in the morning to clean up and make her room as pristine as you’re used to seeing it.