Surprise, I knocked you up!


I’m pregnant.

Oh, did I forget quotes there? That’s because (while you won’t hear that phrase from me) Canadian dad-wannabe Craig Hutchinson wasn’t hearing it from his girlfriend either… much to his dismay. However, she wasn’t willing to have to issue that kind of news to him – like – ever. She didn’t want to be a mom. Conundrum? Not for Craig! Their paradoxical dynamic was waning…but somehow still sexually spunky. So, naturally, he took advantage…

…and turned their condoms into Swiss cheese.

You’d think she might have caught on to his underhanded deeds when he kept insisting she “take pregnancy tests”. She didn’t; but she did take the tests. The first one showed up negative, but the second one did not. She was shocked and he was overjoyed. Before too long, however, she got this message from him: “I wanted a baby with you so bad, I sabotaged the condoms. I poked holes in them all.”


Now here’s where it gets tricky: Is it rape?

In court, one judge claimed that it was “sneaky and underhanded, but not rape”, while several others disagreed – saying, “Only informed consent is real consent,” and “Getting consent in a deceitful way is rape.” This is a matter that’s difficult to discern and causes clashes between genders. Men will say it’s not fair because they’re locked in to a kid-commitment if a woman intentionally “forgets” to take the pill and then “forgets” to tell him that she “forgot” until it’s too late. Women will say, it’s not the same because men don’t have to carry the kid around for nine months.

I’m no liberal femi-nazi, but come on.

It’s at least a little worse for the chick in the long run. Note that I say worse “for”, not worse “of”. If you’re a dude who’s been tricked – yeah, she’s got your seed in her belly against your will, and that’s super screwed up of her. On the moral-meter, it doesn’t matter what you’ve got between your legs. You’re an asshole for doing it to someone who trusts you during an intimate act. Unfortunately, there’s a double standard right now about whether it’s “okay” for a chick to do that and I’m not justifying that. Where everything changes, however, is in what happens after that trickery’s been dealt.


As a dude, you can literally pack up and walk away if you want. Hell, a lot of guys do that anyway when they started out “willing” and change their minds. You didn’t sign a document agreeing to physically stay. It puts you in a poor moral position, she may end up filing for you to pay child support, and all of that’s reprehensible of her. But as a man who gets tricked, you aren’t forced to either birth or kill the thing outta your body and then face the physical, mental, and life changing ramifications either choice inevitably causes. A woman who gets tricked has to deal with the physical on top of the financial and mental elements.

A prospective mom – willing or unwilling – physically can’t just walk away from having to make that decision.

If you want to be a mom or dad, find a willing partner! Would I go so far as calling this rape? Not really. Rape is unwanted or forced sexual penetration. But I might say it’s on par with some kind of sexual assault of a different genre. I mean, this lady wanted to be penetrated; she just didn’t want to be impregnated. (Cue to hypocrite Christian choir-lecture about abstinence… because no Christians have pre-marital sex…ever.)

Anyway, they weren’t even doing so well outside of the bedroom anymore, on the verge of splitting ways, and probably just having heated hate-sex by this point. Whether you’re the garden or the gardener, deceitful conception is pretty bad; but it’s even worse when you know you’re in a screwed up relationship that’s heading nowhere. I wouldn’t want to be a product of that.

So, how’s the story end? I’m glad you asked.

Right after this chick found out she’d been knocked up, she was going to keep the kid. It wasn’t until Craig messaged her with a confession, that she called the cops, had an abortion, and subsequently got a uterine infection. Some third party commentary I’ve seen says “she did it out of spite!” and “what a bitch!”


Maybe… but imagine telling yourself, “You can’t have an abortion because you failed at being careful. You have to deal with this,” and then realizing that wasn’t the case – that this was done to you. Would you want to have a child with someone who had intentionally deceived you? Would you want to have his offspring at all? Personally, I’d go ballistic. Actually, “ballsectomy” would be a better term, because I wouldn’t wait for the law to intervene. I’d remove his balls myself.

And what was his motive in even admitting it?

Clearly, he had to know there was a chance she might abort the kid if he had to stoop so low in the first place to turn their condoms into a colander. So what was the point when the fetus’s chance of survival was on thin ice anyway? Other than a way of feeling superior by saying, “Aha! I tricked you!”, what other point could there be in admitting (via text message, no less) to her his sneaky seed deed?

After Canada’s Supreme Court’s ruling that it was indeed a sexual assault, Craig will have a year and a half to mull that question over in jail.