The Ultimate Hypocrite


There’s a thin line between love and hate. We say we “love” in regards to some of the most inane things and people imaginable. We say we hate some of the most ridiculous things out there. We hardly ever even think about whether or not we truly mean it when we say it.

How many times have you seen girls be all like “Omg, you’re the best, I love you!!”… But you know damn well that they don’t “love” said person at all. How many times have you heard someone say “I hate you” and yet it doesn’t mean they hate you at all? .In fact in some instances, it means they like you??

“Say what you mean and mean what you say”. I’m usually a hardcore advocate of this saying: That’s why ever since the whole “colloquial meaning” of the word ‘literally’ changed to appease the public, I’m even more skeptical of… Well, everything. Fuck that noise. Love means love. Hate means hate. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

Wait a minute… I’m just as guilty as the next guy! Entering hypocrite stage… Words are just words and we assign whatever meaning we choose to assign to them. That’s how language came around in the first place. And it’s constantly changing for that very reason. Don’t get me wrong, the whole “literally” debacle still irks me beyond belief. But I definitely misuse other words. I can hate my parents for the so called injustices but it doesn’t mean I hate them…. I can love my friends for being awesome and hate them the very next second for being predictable and selfish at the same time.

So who’s to say what love is? Who’s to say what hate is? Can’t we just agree on the fact that it’s whatever we feel super strongly about in that very moment whether it’s positive or negative? I feel like that’s what it all comes down to.

Here are some things I love, genuinely so… I love sunsets and sunrises, assuming my lazy ass is getting up at 5am to see one. I love coffee. Sometimes it’s sweet and creamy, and sometimes it’s black and strong. I like my coffee how I like my… Women. Ha! Just kidding. I love rain… When it’s my day off and I have the option to stay in bed, under my blankets, naked, instead of driving in it, accompanied by a bunch of retards. Then I hate the rain. Also hate when rain makes other people stay at home while I’m bartending for an empty restaurant. See how that works out? I love driving… Love it regardless of long distance or short, stick shift preferably, but naturally only when it’s just me and the road, when I’m not stuck behind an ass wipe, that’s either too scared of the speed limit or too scared of the weather. I haaaaaaaaate when people drive too slowly in the fast lane when there’s NO traffic. I also hate when there’s traffic for no reason other than people slowing down because there are cops on the side of the road, not just chilling there waiting for you to break the rules mind you, but currently busy with something else; an accident perhaps or pulling someone else over for whatever reason. Why are you slowing down to stare at “the situation” that’s taking place? How much are you gonna see, REALLY? Whyyyyyy are you reducing speed, obviously so? He’s too busy for you! You’re better off speeding past them than anything else but no, you’re gonna slow down, causing everyone behind you to slow down for no reason whatsoever. I hate you.

I hate people. I hate people that lack common sense. Which is funny cause here I go being a hypocrite again. You see, sadly, common sense isn’t that common! Who’s to say what is and what isn’t common, what does or what doesn’t make sense? Something that makes sense to 10 people may make the eleventh person go like ACTUALLY, it makes more sense to do it this way… And they might be right!

A long time ago it was a common belief that the world was flat. And this one asshole thought it wasn’t. So everyone was like screw you asshole, you’re wrong, because there’s this many of us and you’re one. And they’d ostracize him just for being an outcast and having a different idea from everyone else. And this asshole was right all along.

And still, that kind of mentality stands today and will probably always be around… You hear “That’s just common sense” on almost a daily basis in a work environment when it comes to nitwits who make silly mistakes.

As much of an advocate as I am for common sense, I’m just as much of an advocate for constant change and introduction of new ideas. As much as I love change and constant “evolution”, I fucking hate change because it takes me out of my comfort zone!

Ladies and gentlemen, hypocrite at their finest, thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all night.