1. They’re an excellent replacement for pillows. If you’re next to someone who possesses The Boobs, you can lay on them, and you’re basically guaranteed to be jumping on marshmallow clouds for the next few hours in your dreams. They’re a perfect combination of soft and wonderful, and firm and supportive at the same time.
2. They’re perfect for cuddling. Boobs are not exactly “body pillow” material that you can cuddle with, but they are still a marvelous companion for those solo sleeping sessions. Whether you’re on your back or on your tummy, these soft puppies will lure you in, make you hug and hold them, causing you to go into complete and utter comfort zone. Why settle for heavy, hairy, sweaty arms around you when you can have The Incredible Boobs of your own to hold on to in your sleep?
3. They’re selfless. They will spend an entire day in a suffocating bra just to deliver something nice for you to look at. They’ll peek out seductively out of a low cut shirt or a sexy dress, with that seductive crease of theirs.. They may even break a little sweat, and all for the sake of a great view. Whether you’re an outsider glancing at them from the street, or the owner staring at them from the top, the result is fabulous.
4. They participate in physical activities. You always have that one kid in gym class who doesn’t run along with the rest of the students – a lazy ass, a downer. Well, not Boobs! When you run, they’re right there with you, jumping up and down, borderline flying out of the sports bra trying to show you how excited they are to be right there with you. Perhaps they just like the attention, but either way, it’s pleasing to the eye so no complaints here
5. It’s never boring when boobs are around. They have a mind of their own, and they’re not shy about it. They’ll go here and make a statement and then bounce over to the other side and make a statement there too. Then they’ll bounce for joy in one spot for a little bit, which is always appreciated. On the flipside, if you want to stop them from bouncing around, you can ‘reach-around’ and grab them. Even if you’re by yourself, your boobs are always there to keep you company. Does she look bored? Nope 😉
6. They help catch things. If something is flying towards you and your catching skills are similar to those of …Someone who is terrible at catching things, don’t worry, boobs are here to help. All you have to do is bring them forward and kinda push them together with your forearms. Whatever is flying toward you is bound to fall into that little nook that you’ve just created. Who needs Catchers Mitts, when you can have a pair of your very own, all natural, Catchers Tits! (Contact Richardland TM to receive private lessons in how to perfect your technique.
7. They remind us of our childhood. Well maybe not for everyone. For those of us who were fortunate enough to suckle on them as babies, Boobs were basically the first awesome thing that was placed in our mouths. Those magical milk filled jugs. The source of energy and power! How can you not love those squishy balls of greatness? You put your mouth around them once, and you are forever glued to their enchanting power.
8. They can be used as a weapon. Sure, giving someone a backhand in public can be somewhat gratifying. Like BAM! Now what Bitch, I just slapped you, whatcha gonna do about it? And then you’ll probably get slapped back. Assuming that a person you just attacked isn’t a total pussy of course.. Or if they deserved it and they know it. But imagine Boob Slapping someone in public. Woah! That’s the ultimate weapon right there. And it isn’t a weapon because it causes pain. On the contrary, it’s a weapon because instead of causing pain, it sends your opponent into a dumbfounded state, therefore diffusing the situation. They’re just gonna be standing there confused, not knowing how to respond. And whatever they do back to you, (if anything at all, because they’re probably in shock still, thinking about how odd it was that they enjoyed it) will never top the Boob Slap. Unless you know, your boobs are actual weapons, cause that’s pretty cool too.
9. They’re helpful in the kitchen. And by kitchen I mean bedroom. You know, when you don’t want to sit at a table and eat your sandwich like a normal human being because your TV in the bedroom is calling your name? So you climb up on the bed with your back against the wall, and you bring your legs up to your chest, creating a very useful bridge with your boobs between your mouth and your knees that can be used to hold up your plate conveniently inches away from your face. And not only that, but once you remove the plate, you don’t have to worry about any of the remaining crumbs on your mouth landing on your bed, because I assure you, everything will end up on The Boobs.
10. They can be an excellent diversion. If you feel like an argument is escaping from you or you’re in a situation where words just won’t help, don’t worry, you may still have a shot. Of course it always depends on the strength of your opponent, but here are some things that might do the trick. First, you can try letting them out of their cage just slightly, to make an appearance, and give your rival a little something to look at. If this doesn’t create enough of a diversion, you can try grazing their shoulder or arm with The Boobs just slightly, as if by accident. Wearing revealing clothes during fun activities like beer pong for example is sure to put you ahead in the game.
BONUS POINTS: When you’re doing it doggy style, just imagine their beautiful applaud.