Is this tri-tittied chick scamming – or just sad inside?

Standard

“I got the surgery because I wanted to turn off guys,” says three-breasted Jasmine Tridevil.

(Yep. We just went from climate change to boobs today.)

She adds, “I know that sounds crazy, but I decided I never wanted to date again ever.”

(Am I really still writing this?)

Okay. Okay. Some points:

1. I wouldn’t use “crazy”, darling. Mentally ill, mayhaps.

2. I like “Tridevil” – especially since Tri-“dent” would be opposite of accurate here

3. I call bullshit.

And not just on the real nature of her bra’s contents – though we’ll come back to that.

For now I’ll bite and say she’s clearly not dated enough to know about guys.

Or their “Total Recall” obsesh:


(O.G. chick looked a lot like the late Winehouse #amirite?)

Dudes dig that Arnie flick – and that mythical chick with three mammaries is no small contribution to why they do, apparently. Plus, much like little people or that one stripper with a wooden leg who works at Pink Parts on Friday evening, it’s attractive in that novelty screw or “sexy defective” sorta way. You know – like when you see a gorgeous coat but it’s missing a button, so you’re sure you’ll be able to get it for next to nothing if you silver tongue your way into it? Like you almost feel entitled to the coat because of this flaw it has?

Yeah. It’s like that.

Apparently that’s not what homegirl wants to do with her silicone superpowers, though. She’s aiming real high. All the way to reality T.V., that is: “I am starting a reality show called ‘Jasmine’s Jugs.’,” she says – adding, “My ultimate goal is get it on MTV that’s my dream.”

But “a dream” is all Dr. Greenwald – a board certified plastic surgeon – says this whole thing is. An illusion. A trick. A scam. He believes that Jasmine’s alleged $20,000 surgery couldn’t have happened without significant scarring. And since her claims are that they collected the titty tissue from her abdomen, it would have shown, right? Her excuse for not disclosing her plastic surgeon’s name are because he broke the Hippocratic oath in order to do the surgery. Then again, since about 99% of the non-90210 docs I’ve met fall into that violation bucket too, it doesn’t nix this boob chick’s legitimacy.

Her body language and tone of voice in this video are somewhat telling:

She seems too f’real awkward and introspective to be faking a lover scorned.

Her posture’s neither that of a confident actress nor a performer over-selling a dejected soul persona. It’s like she’s a normal person trying to comport herself for the camera. But then she falls short by defensively explaining herself with every gesticulation, swiveling nervously in her chair, and doing the “self-touch” (click the link, not as sexy as it sounds) people do when they’re nervous. My verdict? It’s like a sci-fi version of Great Expectations – and whether it’s authentic or not, it’s still sad. It’s easy to look at someone like this and miss that there’s a person underneath all those glorious flesh balloons. But there is. And if she hacked up herself after having her heart hacked, that’s the travesty. Regardless of anyone’s appendage additions – if it’s because of some deficit inside, that’s what I hope they can sort out. For now – whether Jas’s rack is real, attractive, or lands her a reality show, it’s all irrelevant. ’cause this bish is attracting a shiz ton of hits on our Generation’s DIY reality show: Youtube.

And that’s the only “real” that matters to Generation “Me”, generally.

Money, sure.

But namely your 15 minutes and the illusion digital friends and fans provide.