Taylor Swift: The musical masochist.


Taylor Swift gets a lot of hate for how her “girl next door” image allows her to date a new guy every night, without being called what the rest of us would. But, I’ve got some serious admiration for the girl, which can be summed up by an AshleyOriginal meme I was rather surprised nobody else has come up with yet:


I mean, if you go down the list of TS songs, they’re mostly about guys she’s dated- most of whom are known douchebags, like John Mayer. So, time and time again, she’ll deliberately seek out these types, and people will say, “Why would you date him when you know he’s bad news?!”

Why, you ask? Think about her net worth. The bitch has at least roughly $35 million simply following the advice her mommy, daddy, schoolteachers, (and everyone else who enjoys employing popular sentences that end in prepositional phrases) probably told her when she was little: “Stick to what you’re good at!” And let’s face it, the girl is good at earning money by making music out of masochism.

That’s not dating, that’s called research.

And as for you, Eminem:


It’s a really good idea, in theory. I get it. Nothing rhymes with orange. But, let’s face it: It really wouldn’t be that hard. I mean, there’s no rule that says you have to put the color at the end of the sentence. But, for kicks? Challenge accepted, I say. I’ll go for it, using Eminem’s own technique of rhyming words that only sound “kind of like” other words (which is at least creative and still way better than the “Minaj Method”: AKA rhyming words with… well… themselves).

Anyway, here we go:
♪ ♫

Screw your obsession with oranges,
And you might rap, but you’re still white,
So take all of your four inches
out of here and when you leave tonight:
Don’t let it get caught in my door’s hinges.
♪ ♫

Hmmm… that came out sounding like a rap version of a Swift song. Sounds like a great gimmick; maybe I should recreate myself into a musical synthesis of both Eminem and Taylor Swift and one up them both. That’s right. I henceforth refuse to answer to anything other than my new emcee name: “Tellin’em”.